One day I was attending a seminar. The topic for the day was “How to lead a quality life?” The speaker had the attention of all the guests and he was doing a very good job of explaining each tip with an example of how we could implement it in our lives.
The seminar was to last for 6 long hours, but the speaker had us so engrossed that we didn’t realise the hours pass by. Soon the seminar came to an end and the speaker announced that he was open for questions.
The first person stood and started his question saying “You are a liar…”, but before he could complete his sentence, the speaker became furious, and started insulting the person. The organizers had to intrude. The person was then asked why he said that and that he should apologise. The person then clarified that all he wanted to ask was “You are a liar. If someone accuses you of this, how do you stay calm?”
Here we see, though the speaker was a good communicator, but he lacked listening skills. He jumped to conclusion before the person could finish his question. This way he affected his own reputation.
Communication is a two-way process which consists of two main components:
• Speak
• Listen
For it to be a fruitful communication, all the parties involved must have both of these skills. Communication cannot happen with only one speaking and the other just listening.
There are many books and articles on how we can improve our speaking skills; however, the importance of listening skills is mostly ignored. It requires a good amount of patience and concentration. Just like we need a great amount of practice to be a great speaker, listening requires the same (even more in some cases) effort.
At any point in time, we have a number of thoughts running in our minds. This is the main cause which prevents a person to be a good listener. We need to train our mind to focus on what is being said and put the other thoughts in the back stack.
Listening skills are required on our day to day life. Let’s take a very simple example.
We all have given some sort of interviews in our lives. Be it a job interview or even when we meet the parents’ of the person we want to marry. In such cases we are nervous and we have a single chance to create an impression on the interviewer, so we want to make the most of it.
Doesn’t it happen many a times that we start answering even before listening to the entire question? This is like digging our own graves. So, the first impression that we have unintentionally created is, that we lack listening skills. This may result in rejection, because this is a very important virtue a person is expected to have.
This is not the only scenario. Simple instances of our life, like going to a restaurant with our partner or a friend. Our mind maybe pre-occupied with various thoughts while the other person might be sharing some important instance of its life. This result in the other person feeling ignored, unimportant or even insulted. Next time you will be deprived of this person’s company, no matter how much they truly meant to you.
So, cultivate your listening skills, as this is one of the main skills of a successful person.
“Of all the skills of leadership, listening is the most valuable — and one of the least understood. Most captains of industry listen only sometimes, and they remain ordinary leaders. But a few, the great ones, never stop listening. That’s how they get word before anyone else of unseen problems and opportunities.”
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