Chapter 4: The Colours of Love

Mandy, “Wake up!” Please wake up, she wailed softly, suddenly feeling extremely helpless. Look at me, come on Mandy, look at me please, at least once. I am here, your Sallie is here. Where are you lost?”

“See I used to tell you not to take things too seriously … not to take life too seriously … not to think much … but you never used to listen. Now look where you are, lying on this damn bed, making everyone around you miserable. Your mother is in a vulnerable state of mind. I know how much you love your mom. Look how beautiful your life has been. Try to remember the golden days spent in college and your loving friends. Everyone is eagerly waiting for you to wake up.”

It was a one-sided conversation where Sallie was incoherently mixing words with more words, finding it difficult to stop. Mandy did not show any signs of registering a word of it.

Sallie was trying her best to calm herself. She was smothered in tears. Chan peeped inside through the glass pane of the closed door, his eyes glazed with the hope of Mandy’s revival. But unfortunately there was no progress in his condition. There were no ripples in the calm waters of Mandy’s ocean even while the world around was expecting Sallie to brew up a sea cyclone. Mandy was still lying motionless and sleeping, lost in his own world, unfazed and undisturbed. Sallie was however determined and continued talking to him in a softer tone.

“Mandy, our love might not have a name, but it definitely has a meaning; our love might not have a purpose, but it has a strong and meaningful definition. A well-defined insignia that can set new levels of examples, that can make the future generations aware about this classical breed of love; the feeling of love that kindles the inner spirit and stays with you forever as long as you breathe.”

Moments passed, Sallie’s confessions and soft murmurs continued, but he was still the same. She did not lose hope, and continued with her passionate outbursts urging Mandy to open his eyes and look at her, at least once.

Now, it so happened that in the morning, while Sallie was standing outside Mandy’s room, she had noticed a gentleman walking past her and entering just the room adjacent. By way of conversation, a nurse who happened to pass by informed Sallie about the patient in the adjacent room, when Sallie was eyeing the gentleman curiously before entering Mandy’s room. She had been lying on the bed since the previous couple of months. Her husband and she had parted ways when they were in her 50s after more than two decades of marriage. At the moment, she was all alone, helpless, lying on the bed with her eyes staring into the void, listening to empty sounds, with a brain that is fully functional but a body that is in limbo.

Around 1 o’ clock, every afternoon, an old man visited this lady. The gentleman was a beloved friend of the lady from the time of their college days. They had parted their ways to oblige their respected families as they were very much against any alliance between the two on account of social and financial differences. The lady belonged to a highly prestigious family whereas the gentleman hailed from a humble background. They both were very different and they both came from two different worlds, yet they symbolized the essence of love and maybe was born to teach the world love’s real meaning.

When Sallie’s efforts went falling flat, she thought of taking a cup of coffee to dissolve her helplessness and fatigue. She quietly moved out of Mandy’s room to go to the cafeteria. Before leaving, she informed Chan.

Entering the cafeteria, in a preoccupied mind, Sallie ordered a hot cappuccino, “And please serve it hot … hot.” Sallie repeated her request.

She then took one of the back seats of the cafeteria to avoid the crowd. She wanted to think of Mandy only. There she was joined by an elderly gentleman who came and sat next to her.

Sallie exchanged a polite “hi” while sipping her coffee.

They both were sipping their coffee when Sallie decided to break the silence by asking him, “For whom are you here? I saw you crossing the room in which I was sitting.”

“Ah, yes! I am here for my dear friend.”

“Oh, ok … friend, I see.” Sallie exclaimed. “I thought she was your wife. I am sorry.” She added by way of explaining her reaction.

No dear. “My friend,” the gentleman replied with a wry smile.

Some more silence followed.

After a pause, he started narrating, “Actually, you are right to think so in your mind. No need to feel sorry. She is not my wife but she is my life.” Then after a brief pause, he continued, “Do you want to hear our story?”

“Very much!” At least she could then take her mind away from the pressing thoughts about Mandy.

The gentleman had soft eyes that darkened with emotion as he started narrating. “We were both in the same college. Her name is Nancy. We used to love each other deeply. Our love knew no bounds. But since her family was against our alliance, we could not get married. For the sake of honouring the wishes of her family, we parted our ways. Although she tried hard to convince her parents and relatives, they were adamant. And in those times, it was difficult for women to fight for their love. Society and its regulations looked down upon girl-boy relationships before marriage, howsoever pure it might be.” We bowed down to societal norms and like millions of Heer-Ranjha and Romeo-Juliet sagas, our love story too died a tragic death.”

Sallie was almost in tears, “oh, that sad!” She could relate her life too well with the story that the gentleman was narrating.

“But God had written some other stories for our lives. Nancy was 20, when she got married. She was extremely beautiful and elegant. Introvert by nature, she was shy inside and soft like a feather. She needed to be wrapped in care and love and most importantly she needed someone strong to protect her from the cruel world. I was ready to be her life-long protector. But her parents got her married to a rich family in the hope of giving her a chance to live life in luxury and opulence.”

“After that, we did not remain in touch. But at least once a year, we used to talk to each other on the phone. And I never got married because I couldn’t find another girl I thought I could love this much. That would have been injustice for the one whom I would have married. But little did I know that destiny will play a game such as this. “

“Her husband and she both decided to part their ways when they were in their 50’s. Maybe, their marriage was not that happy after all. Maybe she couldn’t ever remove me from her heart. They had two sons from their marriage. They are well settled and both had great marriages. I never came to know the reason behind their separation. She never told me, though I had asked once. And seriously, it never bothered me and even now it doesn’t bother me much.”

“Even after her separation, we never met and only talked through phones in spite of living in the same city.”

“And now, needless to say, when she is in her last days, God has united us. It seems He had some designs and purposes laid out for us. Now when she is lying helplessly in her hospital bed counting moments and minutes, hours and days and there is no one by her side to fill her vacuum, God has sent me to fill her days with some soft words and loving touches. I visit her daily both in the morning and in the evening and try to stay by her side as long as possible.”

“I come here to bring some peace and happiness to her emptiness, especially in her last days. When I gently touch her hands, or massage her back and legs that do not function any more, her eyes light up with gratitude and love. We cherish those moments of togetherness and relive our promises that we would be there for each other in our thick and thin. My hands have now turned wiry and stiff. But the touch is still full of love and care that I feel for her.”

Sallie dried her eyes more than once while listening to him in rapt attention. She was remembering her almighty, her conscience, and was overwhelmed by the concurrence of events — the meeting with the elderly couple at such a time when she herself was caught in a similar web. She was deeply affected by the story. She could feel this relatable … enough to give her the understanding of the deepest form of love. The love which doesn’t require the connected souls to be together physically … the love which could be felt deep within the hearts … the love that creates some pure and everlasting memory … the love that stays with the soul till the last breath.

Sallie was lost in thoughts, thinking about her relationship with Mandy, not listening anymore to the gentleman’s saga. A silent drop of tear found its way out from her eyes. She hurriedly wiped it off and her expression changed from a lost, helpless woman to one of a strong and determined lover. She excused herself politely and thanked the elderly gentleman for showing her the path and instilling the faith and courage in her to stand by the person whom she loved with her heart and soul. She got up from the chair, and after settling the bills absentmindedly, not bothering to collect the change, she rushed out of the cafeteria towards Mandy’s room.

She whisked past the corridors; used the stairs instead of the lift. She wanted to reach Mandy as fast as possible. She reached his room completely out of breath, and found Chan sitting beside him. She cleared her throat to announce her presence.

Chan, taking the cue, got up and smiled at her, “Okay, I shall wait outside if you need anything.”

Sallie settled down once more on the chair beside Mandy. She reached out and softly took Mandy’s hand in hers. She started talking once more. Softly at first … remembering those intimate loving moments that they shared, no longer shy and restrained now ….

“Do you remember Mandy, how you regularly used to go to the gym to stay fit and also because you wanted to show off your cool physique to impress me. Remember, how you used to flaunt your shape and your curves to make me fall for you more deeply. And you used to say how much you have worked hard to find a place in my heart with your pet dialogue, ‘Oh God, how much will you make me go through to get the love of Sallie, the gorgeous.’ All of it used to be so hilarious. You were a naughty actor and it didn’t matter how much you used to call me a ‘drama queen,’ you were no less than a drama king yourself. Ha … ha …”

Sallie laughed out loud. Almost too loud than she usually does.

She went on with more energy this time, “I still vividly remember the moment when you took my hands in yours and looking steadily into my eyes, you said “Dear Sallie, will you be able to ever love me as much as I love you, girl.” A question that was rhetoric and that needed no answer. And how I avoided responding directly to the question by digressing to petty promises. Remember what I said in response, ‘I will love you more than you love me but, Mandy, you will have to buy me that exotic attar that we saw adorning the shelves of the Perfume Station.”

“And can you even believe I still have that attar with me. I still pour myself a drop on the days when I feel lonely and lost. And it brings me the joy and peace that nothing else can! I always wish you would see me when I sprinkle the attar, smelling of your love.”

“Oh God, Mandy, how I used to tease you whenever you faltered before me or got nervous. The more I teased you, the more you used to love me … our small meaningless, mellowed moments of togetherness.”

“And how I always used to win every argument or debate that we had. I always had the last word to say. To which we laughed together … now I understand you deliberately allowed me to win every argument that we ever had, it was your mature love and my immature love. Did we ever realize that the way we laughed together, we shall one day cry together the same way!”

Sallie broke down once more in tears. She couldn’t believe that she would have to see the lively and cheerful Mandy in such a state. She missed his husky baritone, his ear-to-ear smile, his energy, his enthusiasm and every drop of life in him. She just couldn’t tolerate his lying still, eyes closed and slow breathing anymore. She remembered his ragged breaths whenever he came close to her, very close … a tear of sadness trickled down and fell on his palm. His hand was still resting peacefully between her palms without any sign of movement whatsoever.”

Sallie rested her head on his hand and felt close to him. She closed her eyes, taking his smell and his touch that she craved for so many years. The hands were still warm and comforting as they used to be when they sat in silence hand in hand for long hours. She thought about him and how he used to compose such immature poems for her to which she would laugh and tease him. Sallie also remembered those tuneless, off-key humming of romantic songs with words forgotten in the middle and replaced randomly. She used to hesitate expressing what she had in mind for him. But she enjoyed his professions of love thoroughly and cherished every tender moment between them.

“Wake up Mandy, wake up!” There was desperation in her voice. She seemed to feel dejected and defeated in the hands of fate.

Sallie punched Mandy lightly on his chest. As if the impact will suddenly make Mandy sit up.

But Mandy remained as unmoved and listless as before. Sallie was at the edge of helplessness and she was drowning in that feeling. Time was ticking away fast. She looked at her watch and it was 2 pm. She knew it was time to go and pick her daughter from the school. She just had enough time to rush to the school.

Sallie softly told Mandy’s mother, “Aunty, I shall come back in the evening. I need to take leave now to pick my daughter up from school.”

Being a mother, she gave her consent heartily, “No worries, dear. After all, she is your primary responsibility now. I am glad to see how efficiently you are fulfilling your duties and your responsibility as a mother and as a wife and also managed to extend your graciousness and be true to your love.”

The two mothers experienced an emotional moment and hugged each other tightly in a complete understanding of their individual obligations and expectations.

Sallie headed towards the school. She was full of thoughts about Mandy.

“How to wake him up?” She whispered to herself while driving the car.

She waited outside the gate at the school parking lot. Sallie gave Bianca a warm hug as she got into the car.

Tired Bianca was sitting quietly in the car. They reached home and both had their lunch while watching their favourite show on the TV, as was their normal routine.

After lunch, Sallie had a quiet talk with Bianca to finish her studies and relax while she promised to be back home by 6 pm in the evening. She said she needed to go to visit the doctor for her usual appointment. She asked Bianca not to mention this to her dad. She was careful to put across an explanation after noticing a questioning glance, “Baby, I don’t want your dad to be concerned about this since it is only a routine medical check-up.”

“Okay, Mom, I understand.” Bianca sounded convinced.

Sallie kissed Bianca and left for the hospital in a flurry. Hope throbbed in each of her heartbeat.