It was 11.15 am, Sallie opened her wardrobe in search of an appropriate attire to go and see Mandy in the hospital. Since everything was happening at an extremely fast pace, her mind was in a whirl. For a moment, she forgot the seriousness of the moment and Mandy’s state. She started getting dressed happily in her gorgeous red maxi out of sheer excitement of meeting Mandy after so many years. While applying kajal to her eyes and looking at herself in the mirror, she realised with shock the intensity of Mandy’s medical condition. She felt a sudden guilt at her insensitivity. She again turned to her shelf scanning for something suitable to wear for the grave occasion.

In a confused state of mind, she decided to wear a light-coloured dress since she was going to the hospital. Something dark and vibrant would be too catchy and conspicuous, she thought. Her thoughts also hovered on Mandy’s mother. How would she see her! She was in a dilemma about what to choose. And at last, she settled for casuals: blue jeans and white ruffled collar top with little or no makeup. The confusion continued with the choice of shoes to pair up with her attire. She finally wore shoes. “Shoes over sandals, looks fine,” she muttered to herself.

Now, Sallie was all set to leave. She locked the entrance of her apartment. By the time she started the car engine, it was 12 noon. While driving, she called up Peter asking him to cancel the lunch date which was scheduled for 1 pm. Lucky that she remembered on time.

“Peter, I am sorry, I won’t be able to make it at 1.”

“Why, what happened?”

“Don’t’ worry, everything’s fine. I want to go with my friend Lovi to the nearby market. She urgently needed to buy some stuff and wanted me to go with her.

Peter replied “ok, fine” without further questions.

Lovi was Sallie’s best friend and they were family friends too. Both the families shared their big moments together.

“Ah! I am relieved now,” Sallie murmured to herself while concentrating on the busy traffic ahead. Meanwhile, accelerating the car in the middle of the traffic at a speed of 60 km per hour was tiring. She was incessantly blowing horns to steer clear. Here she was … driving really fast, in fact may be faster than an ambulance. There was a deep-tearing feeling inside her. She was somehow on her edge and felt like bursting into tears or getting shattered if she cannot meet him asap. When she parked the car in the hospital, her leg muscles had stiffened and all of a sudden, she started sobbing profusely, resting her head on the steering wheel. The tears were a result of a mixed feeling of happiness and sorrow. It was the forethought of the joy of meeting him after so many months and years; but meeting him at his lowest, confined to the hospital bed was albeit a bit agonising. At the same time, she was happy with the feeling of still being special in Mandy’s life — that faint lingering joy of love that might be somewhere, in some way, he still belonged to her.

The car was parked in the basement level 1 parking. She clicked the photo of the parking bay since she had the tendency to forget it.

On her way upstairs, she was dragging herself with a heavy heart, feeling drained and listless. But as soon as she approached the reception and asked for admission to Mandy’s room and the receptionist uttered his name, a feeling of renewed wave of love and joy filled Sallie’s being. She realized she was as eager to meet him, see him, feel him as she was years ago.

In a haste, she entered the patient lift and reached the third floor as directed at the reception. As soon as the lift door opened, and she located the designated room, she saw a smart, elegant woman in her 60s waiting outside. Sallie wondered if it was Mandy’s mother. However, she walked towards the room with a head full of a hundred thoughts and found a young man approaching her hurriedly. Chan noticed her and greeted her with a short formal “Hi”, to which she replied, “hi, how is he?”

“Well, Sallie, you may see him for yourself. But wait let me introduce you to Mandy’s mother.”

“Aunty, please meet Sallie.” The elderly lady was waiting anxiously for Sallie to reach it seemed. Sallie greeted her politely with a nervous smile, “Hi Aunty, how are you?”

“I am fine, dear. Please meet him fast since you seem to be his last hope.”

“Last Hope!” A shiver ran down Sallie’s spines giving her goosebumps. Sallie entered the room and found him lying on the bed in a flurry of pipes and tubes, on ventilator support. She suddenly started feeling very weak after seeing him in that condition, on the hospital bed. The spotless white hospital sheets covered his body, his right hand that was visible from under the sheets was punctured by the needle of the cannula, and the respiratory aid over his mouth and nose covered a sizable portion of his face. Everything was messed up with him, Sallie thought. She couldn’t even see him completely.

Sallie wanted to take away his pain. Probably only she knew the pain that Mandy was feeling inside. Though his persona was tough on the exterior but inside he was still probably like a baby who needed handling with care. Sallie wanted to hug him tightly but couldn’t. She could only talk to him. Though Mandy was not able to move, the doctor said he could hear things clearly. So, Sallie was there to re-ignite the old passion and love inside him. She had been the flame kindling Mandy’s heart for years now. She was brought into the picture to wake him up from his medical inertia or half-slumber, not only physically or mentally, but psychologically and emotionally as well. Flashbacks of the older version of that dashing, energetic and lively Mandy had been resurfacing in Sallie’s thoughts and she broke down in tears even before she could say anything to him. Could he listen to her sobs! Did he know how she still felt for him! Would he ever respond to her loving touches!

Was it only a sob of sadness that emanated out of a love that never gets its completion! Or was it also the vacant feeling of living with someone in a ‘happy marriage’ with a doting husband.

Could it be the sob of guilt of harbouring romantic feelings for someone and yet tied to the sacred bond of marriage with someone else! What do one do in such a life’s dilemma!

The lie that she told to Peter for meeting her lover was corroding her inner being. What happens when you break trust in a relationship and then unfortunately get caught? Does that trust ever return in the bonding?

Sallie knew that a trust once broken could never be mended just like a shattered glass. The pieces could be glued together, but the crack would remain. They might always be not even seen but when you touch, you could still feel the cracks.

She never signed up for this dilemma. But unfortunately life’s course had pushed her to her edge. She will not be able to forgive herself if she doesn’t do her best to bring Mandy back to his former lively self. Come what may, she decided she would have to go through this ordeal and would have to live with the lies.

“Forgive me Peter,” she whispered to herself. Her voice sounded strange to her own ears.