Since I was a little kid, my father would always tell me not to keep expectations from anyone, as it will only result to hurt. Back then I used to think that by anyone he must be referring to friends and relatives. My family wasn’t just anyone, isn’t it? I have a right over them and so having expectations from them, seemed like my birth right. After all they are mine.

While growing up, my family was never into things like surprises. We only wished each other during birthdays and our parent’s anniversary. It was an unsaid rule that only the elders would give gifts to the younger ones, and for my siblings and me, elder ones just meant our parents. We kids never exchanged gifts among ourselves and life seemed so easy.

One such year, I recall, my parents had forgotten all about my birthday and I was deeply hurt. I refused to eat dinner and cried myself to sleep. But next day I had forgotten all about it and was back to my jolly self (the joy of being a child).

Now when I sometimes sit and give a thought on that day, my father’s words make so much sense. It was such a small and insignificant incident and yet I was so gravely hurt, all because of having expectations. I had expected them to remember my birthday, to wish me and give me gifts. When this didn’t happen, I was certain they didn’t love me at all.

Had I not have had any expectations; it wouldn’t have made any difference. Instead, all the birthdays that they had made so special for me, would have each given me immense joy, as it would all had been a surprise, every single time. Wouldn’t that have been much better?

As we grew older, my elder sister was the first one to move out of the city for her higher education. When she first visited us during her summer break, she brought little gifts for my younger brother and me. It was such a pleasant surprise since I had never received any gifts from her. I was so happy with it and kept it preserved for months.

Seeing us so happy with the gifts, she started getting us small gifts every time she visited home during her holidays. This trend was carried on by me when it was my turn to leave the city for my higher education. My bother being the youngest, enjoyed being pampered by both his elder siblings.

Days passed and soon we started working. With our first salaries, we got gifts for our parents. It was the first time in our lives that we had gifted anything to our parents, as it had always been the other way round, and the feeling was so heavenly. We started buying gifts for each other as well, irrespective of age. Slowly we started to look forward to these gifts and would feel bad if the other forgot to get one in any occasion.

During my entire spinster life, though it was ‘almost’ perfect ; with me always having the support of my family for whatever I wished to do, having the best set of friends, loving colleagues, just the best of everything I could have ever expected ; still there was always one thing that used to trouble me a lot. It was the fact that I had never received any proposals from any boy, while I would see all my friends receive several. I used to have so many crushes, but I always expected them to approach me first, which resulted in me losing any little chance I had.

This sorrow, as it did felt back then, seems so minuscule now. It was just my expectations that were causing me this sorrow. Why did I have this expectation from them to come and propose to me first, when I could also have done the same, but I didn’t? Had I not had this unjustified expectation, my life would have felt perfect to me as well, and I would have enjoyed it to the fullest, not having this lingering thought to bother me at the back of my mind.

Since the time I have been married, I have always tried to plan something exclusive for my husband for his birthdays, as I feel the more time and effort I put in planning and implementing it, will symbolize how much he matters to me and my love for him. Since time is the most important thing one can give the other in the present world, amidst our busy schedules, this is the way I feel is perfect to show my love for him. When I don’t see him reciprocating the same for my birthdays, I feel hurt.

When I contemplate on this later, I feel what I need to make myself understand is, that this is just my belief; it doesn’t need to be right or everyone needn’t be of the same opinion. I shouldn’t expect this from him as well. He is an individual person with his own beliefs. His way of showing his love will obviously be different from mine. Only because it’s different from mine, doesn’t mean that he loves me any less. So, it’s meaningless for me to lose my peace over it.

If we try and reflect at all those times that we felt hurt or sad, we will notice that the cause of all these sufferings, the cause of our unhappiness, has always been expectations. We tend to have expectations from so many people, situations and things. We even have expectations from strangers for that matter. Let’s take a simple example: while driving our car, we expect the others to drive properly and follow all the rules, and when they don’t, we feel anger.

Why do we have such expectations? Wouldn’t it be better if we drive our car, minding our own business, not allowing a moment of distraction and having full concentration on the road? This way, I feel, even the number of accidents would decrease drastically and we will become better drivers.

I understand that having completely no expectations is easier said than done, and is, in a way, impossible. But at least we can try training our minds to have fewer expectations. Once we have been hurt, we should try and learn from our mistakes and try not to have the same expectations again. This will ultimately help us in leading a better and happier life.

Not having expectations will also help us to look at the beauty of things, love everyone and everything for the way it is. This world itself will seem much more beautiful than what it already is. Life will be treasured and cherished. Life won’t be a burden for anyone anymore and everyday will seem like a gift from the Almighty.

One such quote, depicting the beauty of not having expectations that is really close to my heart goes as follows: