1. WHAT IS APPRECIATION?

It is the act of giving something or someone their proper value, and everybody has value. The value in a relationship is important because it lets a person know where they stand, and what they mean to you; appreciation is a way of letting that person know what you value. This includes thanking someone for a gift, a favor, or recognition of someone’s kindness.

APPRECIATION OF HARD WORK

One young academically excellent person went to apply for a managerial position in a big company. He passed the first interview, the director did the last interview, and made the last decision. The director discovered from the CV that the youth’s academic achievements were excellent all the way, from secondary school until the postgraduate research. NeverM had a year when he did not score.

The director asked, “Did you obtain any scholarships in school?” The youth answered

The director asked, “Was it your father who paid for your school fees?” The youth answered, “My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees”.

The director asked, “Where did your mother work?” The youth answered, “My mother worked as a clothes cleaner. The director requested the youth to show his hands. The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect”.

The director asked, “Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?” The youth answered, “Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Furthermore, my mother can wash clothes faster than me”.

The director said, “I have a request. When you go back today, go and clean your mother’s hands, and then see me tomorrow morning

The youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back, he happily requested his mother to let him clean her hands. His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to the kid. The youth cleaned his mother’s hands slowly. His tears fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother’s hands were so wrinkled, and there were so many bruises on her hands. Some bruises were so painful that his mother shivered when they were cleaned with water.

This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes every day to enable him to pay the school fee. The bruises in the mother’s hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his graduation, academic excellence, and his future. After finishing the cleaning of his mother’s hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother. That night, mother and son talked for a very long time. The next morning, the youth went to the director’s office.

The Director noticed the tears in the youth’s eyes, and asked: “Can you tell me what you did and learned yesterday in your house?” The youth answered, “I cleaned my mother’s hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes”.

The Director asked, “please tell me your feelings”. The youth said, “Number 1, I know now what appreciation is. Without my mother, there would not be a successful me today. Number 2, By working together and helping my mother, only I now realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done. Number 3, I have come to appreciate the importance and value of family relationship”.

2. WHY APPRECIATION IS IMPORTANT?

Feeling genuinely appreciated lifts people up. When we feel appreciated by others you feel a deeper sense of connection with them. Positive vibes foster positive feelings and positive connections when someone appreciates our work, that gratitude makes us more nicer, more trusting, more social, and more appreciative. As a result, it helps us to make more friends and deepen our relationship. Those who express appreciation with others are more committed to them and more likely to stay in the relationship.

But when someone whose value is not recognised or rewarded they feel unappreciated. We all feel unappreciated at times. It’s tough to feel as if you are being taken for granted. When people don’t seem to notice your efforts or your hard work or your kindness

towards them, you might feel unappreciated, disrespected, irritated and frustrated. If you are not careful then this feeling of unappreciation can lead to anger and resentment too. you lost joy and peace from your life. When your happiness depends upon people’s opinion or the appreciation you will definitely feel rejected and taken for granted.

Never want appreciation at the cost of your inner happiness and mental peace. Expecting appreciation from others leads to a series of negative feelings and emotions like irritation, anger, frustration which in turn over the period of time can lead to physical disturbances like loss of sleep, increased heart rate,headache, etc.

ASK YOURSELF WHO IS THE SUFFERER?

Its you who is expecting appreciation from others and whose happiness is depending upon others approval or appreciation For example:

If they appreciate my cooking then only I m happy

If they appreciate my hard work then only I am happy If they appreciate my kindness then only I am happy If they appreciate my beauty then only I am happy

Let’s see how you can preserve your happiness and stop seeking appreciation from others.

3. PRESERVE YOUR HAPPINESS

>LOOK FOR APPRECIATION THROUGH ACTIONS:

Just because someone doesn’t say thank you, doesn’t mean that they don’t appreciate you. Not everyone uses words to express their gratitude.

When your coworker invites you to lunch or your friend insists on paying for your coffee, they may be communicating their appreciation to you. Similarly when your partner pulls to you in a hug or your child kisses you when you did something for them then maybe it’s their way of appreciating you.

So, take a moment and consider whether those around you might be showing you their appreciation in a different way.

>SAY ‘NO’ MORE OFTEN

Sometimes the more you do for people without complaining, the more they expect you to do and they might forget to appreciate all you do for them. So, it may be helpful to say ‘NO’ sometimes. This can remind people not to take you for granted that you will always be willing and available to pitch in.

Saying ‘NO’ sometimes can also be good for you if you have become a bit of a people pleaser. Declining a social invite or request for a favor might be tough if you are used to always saying ‘YES’. But doing so, reminds you and others that you don’t have to do anything which you don’t want to do.

>SHOW SOME KINDNESS

Showing kindness can boost your own happiness. So, consider whether helping others makes you feel good about yourself, even if others don’t seem to appreciate you as much as you would like. Take a look at all the things you gain from doing things for others and you might be surprised to see that there are many things to feel grateful for.

>APPRECIATE OTHERS

Focusing too much on the lack of appreciation you gain, can cause you to forget to show appreciation for others. What you give to others that only comes back to you in thousands and many folds but in a different ways. By saying thank you to those around you can inspire others to appreciate you too. Thank your family and friends for all they do for you. you might show your appreciation with a verbal ‘thank you’ or you might send them a note reminding them how much you appreciate them. Whatever way you choose to show your appreciation, make it genuine and heartfelt.

>REFRAME NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

Be on the lookout for exaggerated negative thoughts. Thinking things like ‘no one ever does anything nice for me or Everyone expects me to do everything around here.’ will only make you feel worse.

Remind yourself of times when other people have shown appreciation for you(even if you have to think back a while). And remind yourself of times when you have been able to put limits on what you do.

Responding to your unhelpful thoughts with more realistic ones can help you feel a little more appreciated. You might remind yourself of things like, ‘My family appreciates all I do for them even if they don’t say it’ or ‘my family appreciates me sometimes.’ and you might feel a little better.

>SPEAK UP

Sometimes it is helpful to share how you are feeling. You might talk to your partner, your boss or your friend or a family member about what’s going on by saying something like, ‘Sometimes, I feel like my work goes unnoticed. I really enjoy it when my work is appreciated.’

Don’t be afraid to say what you want. You might discover that other people are happy to show more appreciation when they understand how important it is to you.

>TALK TO A PROFESSIONAL

If you chronically feel unappreciated,your relationships will likely suffer. You may want to talk to a mental health professional about how you are feeling. A therapist may recommend family therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy or other services to help you feel better.

Just remember always that everyone feels unappreciated at one time or another. Sometimes, it’s best to give people a break for not expressing their gratitude. At other times; it can be helpful to

address the situation head-on by talking to people around you to determine how you want to handle the situations, and if you are having a tough time, consider getting professional help. Ask yourself what is more important for you whether your inner peace and happiness or approval and appreciation from others?

YOU ARE NOT EVERYONE’S CUP OF TEA