This is the most common question amongst the majority of the people. What do you mean by getting irritated? To become irritated means enduring displeasure. When you are irritated you are annoyed. You would probably get irritated if things are not happening in your life exactly the way you want or when people or life situations are not the same as the way you want them to be.
The word irritated comes from the Latin word IRRITATUS, which means ‘EXCITE OR PROVOKE’. Anything that annoyingly provokes you can make you irritated.
It’s a negative emotion and many factors can cause or contribute to irritability including stressful life situations, hormonal changes, lack of sleep, etc.
Extreme irritability or feeling irritable for an extended period can sometimes indicate an underlying condition such as an infection in the body or lifestyle diseases like diabetes or heart disease. It may also be a sign of a mental health condition such as anxiety disorder or depression.
When a person feels irritable, small things that would not usually bother them can make them feel annoyed or agitated. The resulting tension can make a person more sensitive to stressful life situations.
When we experience a stressful life event, which may tie up with work, school, trauma, or grief, we may find it more difficult to manage our emotions and can become overwhelmed. We may feel less tolerant of people around us.
There are many reasons to become irritated but I took the commonest reasons from which people get irritated and frustrated so easily. You have to find out because of which reason you get irritated
These reasons are:
1. Expectations from oneself and other people
2. Comparison with other people
3. Competition with other people
Let’s see some common life situations which we face in routine and don’t notice that they are the cause of our irritability.
• I get irritated when people always find faults in my work.
• I get irritated when my child doesn’t listen to me
• I get irritated when people don’t appreciate me
• I get irritated when someone gets angry with me without any reason
• I get irritated when my boss doesn’t appreciate my hard work
• I get irritated when my husband forgets our marriage anniversary
• I get irritated when my boyfriend doesn’t give me a gift on my birthday
• I get irritated when people misunderstand my act • I get irritated when people disrespect me
• I get irritated when my friends or relative ignores me • I get irritated when I don’t get a job in my desired company
• I get irritated when I don’t get admission to my dream college
• I get irritated when I don’t get enough time to spend with myself
• I get irritated when I lose my money
And the list is endless…..Do you find what is similar in all these complaints? There is only one similarity in all these complaints that are--EXPECTATION.
All these are unfulfilled expectations from your boss, children, husband, boyfriend or girlfriend, from yourself, colleagues, friends, and so on.
Every person is having this problem. We have expectations about our experiences, and expectations of others and ourselves.
In all cases, we have a (hidden) demand that we, things, life, or other people should be the way we want them to be, not the way they are. It’s not at all possible as every person on this earth has a different mindset, beliefs, or nature depending upon their upbringing and the atmosphere in which they are living and the people they are surrounded by. It is said very correctly that,
There are four areas of our life where we expect things to happen or to be done according to our wishes.
1) HEALTH
2) WEALTH
3) RELATIONSHIP
4) CAREER
Everyone wants to be healthy and fit but any unexpected illness makes a person diseased, at that time he or she gets irritated and frustrated. There are some diseases that are exhausting and, it requires for a diseased person to be at peace of mind and accept his health situation. The more they focus on disease the more they go away from getting their health back. Remember as per whatever disease we suffer from we attract it in our life by constant negative thinking, wrong lifestyle, and lack of exercise in our life.
2) WEALTH:
Every human on this earth more or less suffers from irritation and frustration around money. No one in this world is satisfied with whatever amount of money they have. They want to earn more and more money and when they fail in earning their expected amount of money they get irritated and frustrated. Remember money is energy, the energy has to flow if you stick that energy with you, your growth will also stop.
3) RELATIONSHIP:
In any relationship the majority of the time feeling of irritation comes when you expect that so and so the person must behave or say anything the way you want and when that expectation doesn’t fulfill you get irritated leading to an unhealthy relationship with that person. We always want people to treat us the way we want but in reality, we all are different with different mindsets and different points of view for the same matter. So, we can’t expect that people should behave the way we want.
4) CAREER:
From childhood, we had a particular mindset about what career we will pursue in the future. There is great influence from our parents and teachers on us regarding choosing the right career for us. In that process, the child never thinks of his or her passion like in which career they enjoy the most. When they choose their career as per their parent’s choice or to remain with their old friends, they cannot enjoy their work as their passion is different from what they are currently doing and this leads to irritability as they expect joy and fulfillment from their current job or profession which they never get from it.
So, one simple way of dealing with the disappointment that our failed expectations deliver is to follow the maxim, as best we can:
More practically, the task is to know how to deal with each individual’s expectation. The best way of doing this is to let go of our need that things(or person)will be the way we want them to be.
SIMPLY: LET GO OF EXPECTATIONS!
I like to illustrate how you can let go of expectations:
Imagine you are putting a precious fragile object in my hand(that represents part of you: your expectations). If you let go of it, it will smash to the ground, breaking irretrievably into smithereens. But imagine you are holding it palm upwards. You open your hand, and the object stays where it is. The expectation, if you like, is still there but you are no longer attached to it.
It is the attachment to the expectation-or the need -that is the problem, not the expectation itself.
Then what to replace with the expectation?
1) CURIOSITY: Just be curious what will happen if you let go of an expectation that someone will be a certain way and see how they respond. Or accept that circumstances turn out the way they were always going to.
2) INTENTION: It’s fine to intend that some event will turn out the way you want it to. Intending to hit a golf ball into a hole isn’t expecting(demanding) that it will. The intention is about personal mindset.
EXPECTATION
Once in wintertime, the king was roaming outside his palace. At night when he was entering his palace, he saw an old man at the entry gate of the palace.
When the king got close he saw that he was an old man who was wearing very thin clothes which were not even warm. King was surprised to see how that old man was able to keep up in that cold water even in those clothes!
So he stopped near that old man and said, “Aren’t you feeling cold?”
The old man replied, “I am feeling cold but what to do? I don’t have any warm clothes to wear. For many years I have been bearing this cold weather without warm clothes. God gives me strength to bear this and live through the wintertime.”
King felt pity and said, “Don’t worry, You wait here and I will send someone with warm clothes for you.”
The old man felt happy and thanked the king for his kindness. King entered the palace, but as soon as he entered the palace he forgot his talk with the old man and got busy with his routine.
The next morning, when soldiers came out, they saw the cold-stricken body of that old man. Beside his body was a message written on the ground by that old man before dying. Message on the ground was: “Long live the king...I had been living wearing these thin clothes in such cold weather but last night your promise of giving me warm clothes took my life..”
When you compare yourself with another person that means you don’t have trust in your ability and it becomes the cause of your irritability unknowingly. We compare ourselves unconsciously with our friends or relatives like we think they have a better job or better homes or better kids or better financial conditions than us, better skin color, better health which not only leads to irritation but also it may lead to jealousy and loss of peace of mind.
Creator has made everyone with a unique quality. It is our duty to find out what hidden quality you have inside yourself. Can a crow compare itself with a swan? both are different and both have different qualities to live their life.
If you feel you don’t look good then compare yourself with a person whose face got distorted in an acid attack or got burnt If you feel you have a small house to live in then think of a beggar who doesn’t have even a shelter also to live in
If you feel you have big spacks then think of a blind person who has no vision
If you feel you have less income from your current job then think of a person who doesn’t have a job to earn money.
Have you heard the name of the international motivational speaker NICK VUJICIC?
Nick is born without arms and legs!!! Yes, this man without having limbs created a history. Despite not having arms and legs, he is a painter, swimmer, skydiver, and motivational speaker. Just imagine if he compared himself with the people having intact bodies is it possible for him to do so many wonders in his life?
I love one of Nick Vujicic’s quotes which I am sharing with you:
‘Life is not about having, it’s about being. You could surround yourself with all that money can buy and you would still be miserable as a human can be. I know people with perfect bodies who don’t have half the happiness I have found. On my journeys, I have seen more joy in the slums of Mumbai and orphanages of Africa than in wealthy gated communities and on sprawling estates worth millions. WHY IS THAT? You will find contentment when your talents and passion are completely engaged in full force. Recognize the temptation to grab for material objects like the perfect house, the coolest clothes, or the hottest car.
If I just had X, I could be happy syndrome is a mass delusion. When you look for happiness in mere objects, they are never enough. LOOK AROUND, LOOK WITHIN.’
So, always remember, “BE YOURSELF EVERYONE HAVE ALREADY TAKEN”
Now I explain to you how we judge and compare people around us:
Shina covered a distance of 10KM in one hour.
Arjun covered the same distance in one and a half hours. Which of the two is faster and healthier?
Of course, your answer will be Shina.
What if I say that Shina covered this distance on a prepared track while Arjun did by walking on a sandy path
Then your answer will be Arjun.
But when you come to know that Shina is 50 years old while Arjun is 25 years old
Then your answer will be Shina again.
But when you also come to know that Arjun’s weight is 140kg while Shina’s weight is 6kg
Again your answer will be Arjun
As you come to know more and more about Shina and Arjun, your opinions and judgments about who is better will change.
The reality of life is also similar:
>Opportunity vary
>Life is different
>Resources differ
>Problems are different
>Solutions are different
Therefore the excellence of life is not in COMPARING with anyone but in testing oneself.
Always remember you are the best and compare yourself with your yesterday’s self, improve little by little daily and become your best version rather than compare yourself with another person.
Everyone wants to be ahead of other people and all are in competition with one another. That’s human nature. When you try to compete with another person you will forget your life Goal and you only focus on how you will be ahead from that person and when you can’t beat that person you will get irritated and frustrated. Competitions are not always bad, sometimes healthy competitions are needed to achieve a certain goal of your life but don’t attach to the outcome. Develop sportsman spirit. If you won celebrate your victory and if the other person won celebrate their victory.
Mr.Shah was jogging in the morning at the seashore and he noticed a person about half a kilometer ahead. Mr.Shah guessed that person was running a little slower than him and that made him feel good, he said to himself, “ I will catch up with him.” So, Mr. Shah started running faster and faster.
Every block, he was gaining on that person a little bit. After just a few minutes Mr.Shah was only about 100 feet behind him, so Mr.Shah picked up the space and pushed himself. He was determined t0 catch up with that person.
Finally, he did it! Mr.Shah caught up and passed him. Of course, that person didn’t know that it was racing.
After Mr.Shah passed that person, he realized that he had been focusing on competing against that person…
That he had missed his turn to his house
He had missed the focus on his inner peace
He missed seeing the beauty of greenery around
He missed doing his inner searching soul meditation and in a needless hurry stumbled and slipped twice and might have hit the sidewalk and broken a limb.
Now I am asking you, isn’t that what happens in life when you focus on competing with friends, family, co-workers, neighbors, trying to outdo them or trying to prove to them that you are more successful or more important and in the bargain you miss on your happiness within your own surroundings?
We spend our time and energy running after them and we miss out on our own paths to our destination.
The problem with unhealthy competition is that it’s a never-ending cycle.
There will always be someone ahead of you, someone with a better job, nicer car, more money, more education, a prettier wife, a more handsome husband, better-behaved children, better circumstances and better conditions, etc.
But one important realization is that, “you can be the best you can be when you are not competing with anyone.”
Some people are insecure because they pay too much attention to what others are doing, where they are going, wearing and traveling, what others are talking
Take whatever you have, the height, the weight, and the persona. Accept it and realize that you are blessed, that you are unique. stay focused and live a healthy life.
Comparison and competition are thieves of JOY.
It kills the joy of living your own life. Run the race that leads you to a peaceful, happy, steady life.
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